I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
