how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize