I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
