Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
