I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
