$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
