i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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