If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
