I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
