why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
