Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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