Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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