Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
