you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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