Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
