I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
