We won't sleep together?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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