I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
