She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
