Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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