i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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