Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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