Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
