I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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