and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
