thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
