it was like eating out sand paper
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
