i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
