you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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