Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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