My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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