Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
