Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize