Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
