She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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