im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is classic penis vs brain.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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