I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
