hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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