you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
