I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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