My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
