I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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