I wish i was in the wii world.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
