Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
