i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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