I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
