Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
