dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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