I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know her cup size but not her name....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
