so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
