well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you would pick up someone in the library
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i now understand why vodka
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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