Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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