I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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