who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
