I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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