I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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