Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
