No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
