I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Randomize
