Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize