Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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