I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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