boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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