Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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