Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
