I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
