Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
