Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize