I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize